Sad

Depression hitting me hard despite antidepressants.

Got this in an email from my husband:
You want the truth? I don't want to be your husband anymore, I don't believe it is salvagable.

Any really no contact since then. This coupled with his new "friend" pretty much tells me all I need to know.
The confusing thing is, the night before he wrote this email he had called me twice to go on and on about how much he loves me deep down to his soul, and he wishes I could feel just how much, how beautiful I am to him, even after 14 years together he still isn't attracted to anyone like he is to me. Then he called at 11:30 at night to ask if he could come sleep with me, just sleep all curled up around me.
And then the next night, the email. I just don't get it.

So, anyway, reality is hitting hard and I just want to stay in bed zoned out on sleeping pills. However these kiddos of mine aren't having any of that. So, I'm forcing myself to take care of the everyday things. They all leave for 5 days at camp on Monday so I can have my nervous breakdown then.

But until Monday morning, I need to majorly clean the house, get all of these kids packed up, ect.

I don't know how I'm going to get through this, despite it all, I still love him so very much. I've lost my best friend, my whole world.