Sad

Depression hitting me hard despite antidepressants.

Got this in an email from my husband:
You want the truth? I don't want to be your husband anymore, I don't believe it is salvagable.

Any really no contact since then. This coupled with his new "friend" pretty much tells me all I need to know.
The confusing thing is, the night before he wrote this email he had called me twice to go on and on about how much he loves me deep down to his soul, and he wishes I could feel just how much, how beautiful I am to him, even after 14 years together he still isn't attracted to anyone like he is to me. Then he called at 11:30 at night to ask if he could come sleep with me, just sleep all curled up around me.
And then the next night, the email. I just don't get it.

So, anyway, reality is hitting hard and I just want to stay in bed zoned out on sleeping pills. However these kiddos of mine aren't having any of that. So, I'm forcing myself to take care of the everyday things. They all leave for 5 days at camp on Monday so I can have my nervous breakdown then.

But until Monday morning, I need to majorly clean the house, get all of these kids packed up, ect.

I don't know how I'm going to get through this, despite it all, I still love him so very much. I've lost my best friend, my whole world.

Please God

Help me get hired into a nursing job this week.

In better late than never news....

My youngest daughter, A, turned 11. It's so true, time flies!
Happy Birthday, A! I love you!

My baby graduated!

My four girls

How is that possible? Wow.
Graduated with Honors, thankyouverymuch.
I am sooooo proud of her. She's a really neat kid. Smart, funny & talented!
So, she'll be off to college soon, thankfully not far from home.
Here's to a bright and shiny future!
I love you, K!

My mom came from NY and my brother came from IN, was so nice to see them


And this is so typical!

After a While

After A While
(alternate title - Comes the Dawn)

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that
love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security,
and you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head high
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
and you learn to build all of your roads
on today because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of
falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that
even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that
you really can endure...
That you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn...
With every goodbye you learn.
by Veronica A. Shoffstall
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of my all-time favorite poems, little did I know about 23 years ago when I first stumbled upon it what meaning it would come to have in my life.

I graduated!

My friend Amanda and I (l-r) at our college graduation

We are nurses! And it only took us 4 years (and $40,000 in loans) to get an 18-month degree (read the fine print in the 18-month degree brochure - 18 months AFTER two or more years of prereq clases!)
And we don't really feel that much smarter, but hey, if they say were nurses, then by-golly, we're nurses! Who are we to question the GREAT EDUCATION AUTHORITY? (if you knew us, you'd know that was FUNNY!)

We still have to pass the NCLEX (the national nursing licensure exam - its a killer!)- her in June, me in July though. Then we'll be able to get really stressfu jobs where peoples lives are in our hands, so we'll have a little bit of money to pay back the $40,000 in loans. Ain't life grand?!

Anybody need a shot? Staples removed? Wound debrided?